Evaluating Your Path

Last week, we focused on the importance of setting goals for ourselves, our marriages, and our children. But setting goals is just the beginning. Why do these goals matter? What makes them so important? The answer is simple: the relationship between cause and effect is real. It’s a fundamental law built into the very fabric of creation.

Cause and Effect in Parenting
Because cause and effect is true, the reality of our discussion from week one holds strong: we are all walking down a path that leads somewhere. Where we end up, whether in life or parenting, is often the logical outcome of the choices we make along the way.

I shared a saying that resonates with me more than I’d like to admit: “If you’re not careful, you might just end up where you’re going.” It's simple and obvious, yet, for many of us, it’s deeply concerning. Our actions—whether deliberate or casual—are the causes that inevitably take us to a destination. And if we haven’t clearly defined that destination, we may not like where we end up.

So, wouldn’t you rather have as much control over where you end up as possible? If your answer is yes, then goal setting is for you.

But goal setting is only part one. Now, the big question is: How do we get there?

The Path to Your Goals
It’s not enough to say, “I want to visit Ireland.” That’s a nice thought, but without action, it remains just that—a thought. To make that goal a reality, I must take the right steps to get there. No effect ever comes without a cause. The same is true in our parenting.

But here’s where many of us struggle: it’s not just about any cause. It must be the right cause or series of causes. But even the right path isn't always easy. Sometimes, the road to our goals feels more like hiking through rocky terrain than a smooth, paved road. As parents, we might be tempted to take the easier, more convenient path, hoping that it will still lead us to where we want to go. Maybe it's easier to give in and let our kids stay up late because we’re tired, or to avoid a conflict in order to keep the peace for the night. But convenience can be deceiving—an easy path often leads to a destination far from where we intended to go.

On the other hand, the right path, the one that leads to the goal, might be challenging at times. It requires consistency, patience, and sometimes even making tough decisions that are uncomfortable in the moment. Just like walking up a steep hill might feel exhausting, enforcing boundaries or sticking to discipline can feel tough for us as parents. But when we stay the course, that path—however hard it might seem—will ultimately lead us and our children toward the goals we’ve set.
Here’s the hard truth: It’s not enough to set a goal and hope—we must deliberately choose the right path that will lead to the desired outcome.

A Parenting Story
Let me share a recent experience with our 5-year-old son, Lochlan. Lindsay and I had a simple goal: once we put Lochlan in his bed, he stays there all night. This would also help us accomplish other goals—ensuring he’s well-rested, giving us time as a couple, and creating space to manage other tasks.

We agreed on the goal. But how were we going to get there? We didn’t have a clear plan. Instead, we hoped to “figure it out” as we went.

So, on night one, we put Lochlan to bed and told him, “From now on, you need to stay in your room all night.” Thirty minutes later, we heard his little footsteps coming down the stairs, asking for “just one more hug.” How could we deny such a sweet request? So, we gave him the hug and sent him back to bed.

Ten minutes later, he came down asking for water. Frustration started to creep in, but we gave in again. Then, after five more minutes, the footsteps came again—this time asking for a cuddle. This cycle continued until we found ourselves losing patience, raising our voices, and finally resorting to consequences. But still, the pattern didn’t stop. Night after night, the same scenario played out.

We chalked it up to Lochlan being stubborn, but in reality, we were the problem.

Adjusting Our Path
After some time, we finally took a step back and evaluated our approach. We realized that our inconsistency—giving in sometimes, being frustrated other times—was sending mixed messages. Lochlan didn’t know what to expect, so he kept testing the boundaries. The path we were on was not getting us closer to any of our goals.

This time, we established clear rules: no coming downstairs once bedtime is set, or there would be a consequence every time. The first night, Lochlan tested us. When he came downstairs, we followed through with a consequence, not out of anger, but out of consistency. He was shocked, but he stayed in his room after that. The next night, he tested us again. But the result was the same—clear, consistent consequences. By night three, Lochlan stayed in his room, and we all got the restful night we needed.

The best part? Lochlan came downstairs the next morning beaming with pride, saying, “Daddy, I did it! Aren’t you proud of me?” His sense of accomplishment and growing confidence were all the confirmation I needed that we had chosen the right path.

Consistency Created Confidence
The inconsistency in our original approach wasn’t just failing to meet our little goal of getting him to stay in his room; it was also creating insecurity in Lochlan, throwing off even bigger goals. He wasn’t sure when Dad would “blow his lid,” and that unpredictability affected his self-esteem. But once we evaluated, adjusted, and followed a consistent path, it was no longer about my emotions—it became about his choice. Lochlan knew the expectations and had the confidence in his ability to meet them.

What’s the point?
My story is an example of a small goal, but the same logic applies to even our biggest goals. As parents, we must constantly evaluate our goals and the paths we take toward them. It’s not enough to hope we’re on the right path—we have to be intentional and willing to adjust when needed. Cause and effect are always at work. If we want to reach our goals, we must be deliberate in the steps we take to get there.

Do you want your child to be healthy? To be successful in whatever career path they take? To have a spouse? To be a disciple of Christ?

Whatever your goals, now is the time to be intentional about what steps you will take to get them there.

Prepare for Next Wednesday
This week, as you reflect on your goals for yourself or your marriage, ask yourself: What steps am I taking to achieve them? Am I on the right path, or do I need to adjust my course?

As you reflect on your parenting goals this week, ask yourself: Am I walking on the right path to lead my child to where I want them to go? If not, what steps can I take to make a course correction?